Sanctuary
by DARKSOMEONE41
Summary: Bull saw him breaking, but, for once in his godforsaken life, he didn't know what to say when it mattered the most. Maybe OOC Benny and Bull. Major Benny/Bull friendship. Major Benny!whump. Warnings inside
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** _Sanctuary_

 **Genre:** _Hurt/Comfort/Family_

 **Rating:** _T_

 **Characters:** _Benny Colón, Jason Bull_

 **Summary:** _Bull saw him breaking, but, for once in his godforsaken life, he didn't know what to say when it mattered the most._

 **Pairings:** _None_

 **Warnings:** _Depression, attempted suicide, mentions of self-harm, anorexia, anxiety, extreme Bull/Benny friendship, probably OOC Bull and Benny_

 **Word Count:** _9,210 words_

 **Author's Note:** _So I realize now that the characters are a bit OOC, but I could never get them right, so this is how it came out. For the sake of the story, I think it came out generally okay. This is meant to be a one-shot, but if you agree, I have a plan to make it a two, maybe three, shot. Let me know. Until then, I hope you enjoy._

* * *

Bull saw the signs before anyone else.

Then again, he _was_ the psychologist here, so it was only natural that he noticed. Yet, at the same time, he was the psychologist. Therefore, he should have said something, should have _done_ something, but he didn't. Why? Because, for the first time in his godforsaken life, Bull didn't know what to say.

This was _not_ a situation in which Bull could use his witty remarks and charming smile to solve the problem. No. He needed to approach this delicately, and despite the fact that Bull had many counseling sit-downs with his clients, he wasn't exactly the most heart-to-heart guy around. He mainly left that job to Chunk.

But still, this _was_ his brother-in-law. Well, technically, he was Bull's _ex_ -brother-in-law but something of a brother nonetheless. So why did he hesitate? Why did he just let this happen? Why didn't he do something, _anything?_ Why was it so hard for him to just sit his best friend down and _talk_ to him, ask him what was wrong? Why didn't he tell him what he was thinking: that if he needed anything, all he had to do was ask?

If he had, Bull wouldn't be listening to the heart monitor right now.

* * *

It was a tense Friday when it first started. Chunk had brought the whole team coffees of their own specific tastes, each so unique to the other. It was a very appreciated gesture as the team had had an unbearable and stressful week. A case involving the murder of a man named Kyle Sorin, who had died from cyanide poisoning, needed to be solved. The wife had been accused, but, with Bull's supposed all-seeing eye and wisdom, they had proved her innocence and found the real killer, a mistress who was angry at her love interest refusing to leave his wife and for breaking off their secret relationship.

While it was an all-around tiring case for them, it had taken its toll on Benny the worst. Everyone suspected it was because he had exhausted his every effort into the case, but they couldn't help but think it was more than that.

Benny had become the attorney for Mrs. Sorin since she had fired her original lawyer for suggesting that they should strike a deal with the prosecution. Her own lawyer didn't believe her, so what choice did she have? Thankfully, Benny had agreed to help, although he didn't really have a choice since this was his _job_ and Bull had volunteered him to do it without even asking.

Speaking of Benny, where was he?

Bull looked around the office, searching for his brother-in-law. Well, _ex_ -brother-in-law. Bull didn't know why he still called Benny that. The marriage between Bull and Isabella was long over, yet Bull still referred to Benny as family in his head. Granted, the whole team were their own little family, but there was a little more connection between the lawyer and psychologist. There was a bond there that the others didn't even come close to touching. It wasn't favoritism, but there were just some things that Bull would only discuss with Benny and vice versa.

Well, at least that's what Bull had _thought_.

"Where's Benny?" Marissa asked, interrupting Bull's thoughts.

Bull looked up at her, only to see the whole team staring at him as if they expected him to know the answer.

"Not sure," he replied honestly.

"Maybe he's just running late because of traffic or something," Chunk suggested. "I mean, I got stuck behind some mess on the highway earlier."

"Yeah! That accident on I-90, right?" Cable exclaimed.

Chunk nodded. "Yeah. It was pretty bad."

"It was a three car pileup," Danny informed. "From what I heard, some guy was speeding and hit a patch of ice. He crashed into the car in front of him, who spun out and hit the person beside them."

The three of them carried on with their conversation, but Marissa wasn't paying attention, and, evidently, neither was Bull. Their boss was back to gazing at the door, and Marissa had a feeling he wasn't going to look away until Benny walked in, safe and sound. The story of a three car accident wasn't exactly making things better.

There had been some snowfall throughout the week, making the roads slippery. Black ice had become a major issue with the nearing zero degree temperature. Marissa knew Bull was already assuming the worst, and she was getting a bit anxious herself.

It wasn't like Benny to be late, even if it was only five minutes. The man was very punctual, and the one time he had come late beforehand, he had apologized profusely to Bull, even though it hadn't been his fault. Benny had gotten into an accident, nailed from behind by another car. It had been winter at that time, too, and the car behind him had been going a bit too fast, unable to stop once he hit a patch of ice. Benny's car had lost control on the slippery road and was sent over the sidewalk and into a gate. Benny had hit his head pretty hard on the wheel, but all he escaped with was a severe migraine, thank God. He had been a little over an hour late since the police had decided to take their time, but Bull hadn't cared. He was too busy fussing over the fact that Benny didn't call him, hadn't gone to the hospital, and had _insisted_ on coming to work with a migraine so severe that Benny couldn't see straight.

So Marissa supposed Bull had reason to worry.

And when she saw Benny walk through that door three minutes later, even she was definitely worrying.

He had looked tired, absolutely exhausted. He had looked dead on his feet. There were light grey bags under his normally lively eyes. His usual straight-backed posture was slightly hunched over as if he couldn't be bother to carry his weight. The suit he wore was slightly wrinkled, and his tie was marginally askew. His hair was a bit ruffled, and he just looked completely _worn out_.

Marissa saw Bull physically tense up, sensing something was very clearly wrong. She could see his concern and anxiety shoot through the roof, and she wasn't too far behind. The conversation between Cable, Danny, and Chunk stopped abruptly, and Marissa didn't have to turn around to know that Cable's jaw had dropped, Danny's grip on the table had tightened, and Chunk's eyebrows were raised. She had started wringing her hands, and she could see that Bull had pressed his lips into a tight line.

Despite how _sick_ he looked, Benny still managed to walk up to them, a smile on his face that didn't even remotely resemble his usual grin, and say, "Morning, guys. Sorry I'm late."

He looked like he was about to say something else, but Bull had stood up swiftly and said, "Benny, come with me, please?" but it hadn't really been a question. Benny slowly nodded and placed his briefcase on a chair, following Bull out of the TAC main room.

Marissa turned to Cable, Chunk, and Danny once the two men had left. Their concerned faces held bits of shock in them, and Marissa had no doubt her expression looked the same. They were all thinking the same thing.

 _What happened to Benny?_

* * *

Benny couldn't help but wince at the waves of anger radiating off of Bull. Last time he had seen Bull this annoyed was when he been late because of that stupid accident. Bull had ripped him a new one for coming into work instead of calling him and going to the hospital. Even though Benny had insisted he was fine, Bull had still dragged him to the hospital after Benny had passed out from the pain of his migraine.

However, Benny hadn't been in an accident this time. He had no excuse for being late. Truth was, he had overslept. He had slept straight through his alarm clock and had woken up six minutes before he was supposed to be at work. Needless to say, Benny had thrown on the first pieces of clothing he could find, not really caring if they matched or not. He had driven as fast as he could, still being mindful of ice patches and other crazy drivers on the road.

When it was obvious Bull wasn't going to say the first word, Benny muttered,

"Hey, I _am_ sorry, you know."

Bull had stopped walking and whirled on him so fast, Benny had involuntarily flinched and stepped back. Bull's height of six feet two inches naturally towered over Benny's measly five feet six inches, so Benny thought he had every right to be afraid of this giant. Benny felt intimidated by his _own best friend_ on a good day. Right now, Benny tried as hard as he could not to show he was downright terrified.

Even so, Bull clearly saw it because the taller man stopped and bit the inside of his cheek. A hint of emotion that Benny couldn't quite catch flashed across Bull's face before he said,

"Benny, the fact that you're late is _not_ what I'm concerned about."

Benny pursed his lips and looked away, glanced everywhere but at Bull. He didn't really know what to say.

"What happened, Benny? Was it another accident?" Bull's voice was soft, and it was completely devoid of any accusatory tone, but Benny still resisted the urge to flinch again. He felt so disappointed in his own self, and he couldn't begin to imagine what Bull thought.

Benny swallowed thickly. Was it really so wrong to wish it had been an accident and not his careless lack of responsibility that made him late? He was already angry at himself. Did Bull _need_ to bring this up again?

' _Of course he does,'_ Benny thought tiredly with an internal sigh. Bull was his boss and he needed to know what happened.

"I, um...I overslept."

God, it sounded even more pathetic out loud. What kind of an excuse was _that?_ Judging by the expression on Bull's face, Benny could tell he sounded just as pitiful as he thought.

"You _overslept?"_ Bull questioned, a disbelieving tone coating the sentence. He looked surprised, and Benny hoped this conversation would change direction soon.

"Yeah," he muttered.

Bull let his gaze wander over Benny. The shorter man looked so tired, and Bull would have thought he was _losing_ sleep rather than catching up on it. Based on the fact that Benny looked so worn, Bull would bet everything he had that Benny had, in fact, lost sleep and went right through his alarm to make up for it.

And, for God's sake, that _terror_.

Benny was downright _terrified_ of him, and Bull hadn't the faintest idea why. Benny was trying to hide it, but it seemed like the lawyer often forgot his best friend was a psychologist, trained to see emotions like these. Benny was hiding something from him, something big, but he didn't want to tear down his clearly uncomfortable friend even more, so he decided to let it go.

"Benny," Bull started quietly. He didn't want this conversation to end, but for Benny's sake and pride, he had to. Benny looked up at him, and Bull could see a brokenness that would go unnoticed by the rest of the team but all so clear to him.

"You do know it's okay that you're late, right? I mean, you've only been late _once_ as far as I'm concerned, and that wasn't even your fault," Bull reminded. "So if you overslept, that's fine. I'm actually not all that surprised you did."

Benny narrowed his eyes. "What do you mean?"

Bull raised an eyebrow in a manner that clearly said, ' _you are joking, right?'_

"Did you really think I didn't notice how much you exhausted yourself over this case. You spent _hours_ searching for the right words to say without so much as a five minute break in between for the past four days. You had every right to be tired, so you oversleeping is not that much of shocker, Benny."

Bull saw Benny swallow thickly again, and he was really starting to worry. Something was wrong with Benny, something _really_ wrong.

"Yeah, but-"

"Benny, no," Bull interrupted. "It's fine. Stop worrying about it. You're here now. Just call me next time. How many times do I have to tell you that? Pretty sure I told you that last time. If you're running late, call me."

Benny nodded, but Bull clearly saw that Benny was still angry with himself. Bull hated it. Benny held such high standards for himself, and when he couldn't reach them, he would tear himself down, become so angry with himself until he thought he was good enough.

Unfortunately, that wasn't often.

Bull could predict the next events like he was looking through a glass ball. He knew what Benny would do to himself, what he was thinking. It was an actual textbook situation, and, yet, despite how by the book the problem was, Bull had no idea how to stop it.

* * *

He should've known better than to let Benny go a whole weekend by himself! What had he been thinking?!

And now, as he watched Benny throw himself headfirst into another trial, Bull knew he had made a grave mistake.

Bull hadn't known it was physically possible for someone to lose so much weight in three days. On Thursday, Benny had fit his clothes perfectly. Now, on Monday, the man looked like he need clothes a size or two smaller. How? How could Benny accomplish something so terrible in three days? Bull just wanted to drag him to the side, force food into him, get him to talk, _something_ , but for some reason, he hesitated. God, he couldn't do it. Why? Why was this _so hard_ for him all of a sudden?

The team shared devastated looks with each other when Benny walked in on Monday, and this time, he wasn't late. But Bull would have rathered him be late than looking like _this_.

Those light grey bags under his eyes had darkened, and his clothes hung so painfully, obviously loose. His hair was still a bit messy, but he couldn't bring himself to think about that. He was more concerned about his friend's weight. Benny had never been heavy or overweight, he had always been the right size, but _this_...God, it was like he was _trying_ to disappear before their very eyes.

Bull could feel the team's critical eyes on him, silently demanding that he fix this, but when it was clear he wasn't, they tried to do it themselves.

Marissa would bring Benny lunch that he would push away when he thought no one was looking, but Bull always was. Chunk would joke with him and Benny would smile, but the smile would fade away as soon as he thought everyone's backs were turned, but Bull's never was. Danny would talk with him and Benny would respond happily like normal, but he shut his mouth tighter than a clam when he thought no one wanted to listen, but Bull always did. Cable would often hug him and Benny would return the embrace every time, but he would hold himself in shame when he thought everyone was gone, but Bull never left.

As far as Bull was concerned, Benny never noticed his watchful eye because he knew that as far as Benny was concerned, Bull didn't care what happened to him. God, that wasn't true _at all_. But Bull could see why he thought that was.

His friend - no, his _brother_ \- was fading right before his very eyes, and Bull was doing nothing to stop it. Was he not the doctor here? Was he not trained to fix situations like these? What was he _doing_?

Nothing! He was doing nothing at all! Why? Why couldn't he pull Benny aside and say, " _I'm sorry it took me this long to say it, but, Benny, I_ _do_ _care. You can't keep doing this to yourself. What is going on? What is so bad that you can't even tell me?"_

Benny's once lively self was fading so fast, Bull was sure that it would only take a couple more days before his best friend became a walking shell of emptiness.

He _really_ didn't want that to happen.

* * *

That Wednesday, Benny came in smiling all on his own. It was a _real_ smile, not one of those fake ones so paper thin it would fly away with one breath. For a moment, Bull believed whatever had been eating away at Benny had finally been resolved. That is until…

' _Oh my, God...What the_ _hell_ _is that?'_

Why...Why was Benny's arm bandaged? It wasn't obvious at all, his suit jacket covered it up, and Bull wouldn't have noticed if his sleeve didn't roll up the slightest bit when Benny reached for a notepad and paper, ready to write his closing argument for the new case.

' _No, no, no. God, please, no. Don't tell me you're smiling because of_ _that_ _, Benny.'_

This had gone for too long, gone way too far. This needed to end _now_. He couldn't let Benny do this to himself. He couldn't let this drastic action be the source of Benny's happiness. Oh, God, Bull felt sick just thinking that.

Bull was _pissed_. Not at Benny - God, _never_ at Benny - but at himself. Why had it taken this long for him to do something? If he had done something earlier, it wouldn't have gone this far. The two of them hardly talked nowadays, and Bull could hardly imagine how Benny felt. He probably felt so betrayed, _alone_ even. He probably felt that Bull wanted nothing to do with his problematic self, but there were so many flaws with that thinking. First off, Benny was _not_ problematic, he was anything but, and second, Bull was never tired of Benny, no matter how much he joked about not valuing their friendship. But that was all they were: _jokes_. Benny couldn't do this. He _couldn't_.

Bull finally sucked it up and came to a decision. After court today, Bull would take Benny aside during the celebratory dinner - because Bull knew they were going to win - and talk to him. This couldn't go on. It should have never gone on to begin with.

The whole team was angry at Bull. He didn't blame them. They all gave him the cold shoulder. This was all his fault. He needed to fix this. He needed to help Benny.

God, he _wanted_ to.

* * *

The celebratory dinner was mainly Chinese food and cheap drinks, but it was still a victory in the team's books nonetheless. Bull stood back with his own glass of champagne and watched Benny interact with the others, his smile not as bright as this morning. Bull knew exactly why.

Benny was feeling that urge again. Bull saw it during trial today, and it nearly cost them the case. Benny had continually rubbed at his injured arm, the injured arm that _everyone_ had failed to notice except for Bull, which he supposed was a good thing in its own sick way. God knows what Benny's reaction would have been if someone pointed it out.

But his anxiety didn't go unnoticed by the jury and courtroom. Benny always rubbed his arm under the table, trying to hide it from everyone, but even the client, who they all _hated_ because of his attitude, had hissed at him to quit it.

Bull had wanted to strangle the man right there and then, but he had settled for a glare and a quiet,

"Leave him alone or you _definitely_ won't be winning this trial."

Their client had shut up very quickly, not without a glare of course, but the damage had already been done. Benny had stopped rubbing at his arm and tried to hide the crestfallen look from ever reaching his face.

The closing argument was delivered as powerfully as every other time Benny said it, but as he walked back to his seat, Bull had seen the pain in his eyes. Bull had cursed himself mentally. How could he have let it get this far?

He took a deep breath, setting down his glass before walking up to the team. He caught Chunk's eye and the man nodded minutely, letting Bull know that he approved of what he was going to do.

Bull rested his arm around Benny's shoulders. Even this movement was hesitant and Benny had tensed under his touch.

"I'm going to steal Benny from you guys for one moment," Bull had announced, a slight grin on his face, hoping to convey some ounce of normality and calmness before effectively tearing down Benny harder than he ever had before.

The team nodded and smiled, thankful that Bull was actually going to fix things despite how late he was.

Bull could see the betrayed look when Benny realized the team wasn't going to help him, and Bull began to feel that much more uncomfortable. The others hadn't seen Benny flinch, but Bull guided him to his office, away from the music and chatter. It was there where Bull sat next to Benny on the futon and said,

"Benny, this has to stop."

"What does?" His tone was nonchalant, but his eyes told Bull he was scared and starting to feel claustrophobic. Bull needed to calm him down immediately.

"Benny, you know exactly what I'm talking about." Bull's voice was soft, understanding, but Benny wasn't hearing any of it.

"I don't know actually."

"Benny, what is going on?"

"Nothing. I'm fine."

Bull almost snorted in response. "Ah, yes. The old ' _I'm fine'_ trick. Benny, you and I both know that never works and it _definitely_ won't work on me."

"Bull, it's nothing. I'm okay," Benny replied, but his voice was pleading, desperate. Bull could see his eyes darting around, looking for the nearest escape, but the door was the only exit and Bull had deliberately sat himself between it and Benny for this very reason.

"Ah, you said ' _it,'_ meaning there definitely is _something_."

"Bull, stop!" Benny snapped, all but shouting. "Stop reading into things that aren't there!"

"It is there, though, Benny," Bull answered calmly, looking Benny directly in his eyes. "There is something wrong. You know it, I know it, the _team_ knows it...So stop, please. Please, stop pretending like everything's okay and tell me what's going on. What happened?"

Bull could see Benny hesitating. God, he was _so_ close.

"Bull, stay out of it." It was a warning. He was telling Bull to back off. Bull was approaching way too fast, and Bull knew it, but he couldn't help himself. He _needed_ to help Benny.

"Benny, you know I'm not going to just _let this go_."

"Bull, stop-"

"Benny…"

"Jason, please, for the love of God, _stop._ "

Benny _never_ called Bull " _Jason._ " It was that name that made him hesitate, and it was that hesitation that allowed Benny to slip past him. By the time Bull had gained control over his mind, Benny was already walking fast out the main room, headed straight down the hall.

Bull stood up immediately, grabbing his phone from the table. He had an eerie feeling he was going to need it. He really hoped he didn't need it.

Benny was gone by the time Bull had maneuvered his way through the crowd and into the hallway. Feeling his heart sinking, Bull sprinted down the hall, looking in every room for his best friend. He approached the bathrooms and pushed open the door to the men's room. Just as he was about to push open the first stall door, a puddle of red on the white floor caused him to stop. It was from the last stall.

Bull felt his whole world come crashing down on him as he slowly pushed open the stall door. His mouth went dry at the sight. Benny had unwrapped the gauze on his arm and managed to slice both wrists open. A red-stained _pen_ \- a pen of all things - rested beside Benny. Blood was flowing freely, and Benny was already almost unconscious.

For a moment, Bull was frozen. Benny was actually _dying_ in front of him, by his _own hand_. Wait a minute...He was _dying_.

Bull rushed forward, slipping off his tie from around his neck. He wrapped the article of clothing around one of Benny's wrists and tied it off as a tourniquet, but there wasn't a tie around Benny's neck for once, so what was Bull supposed to use to stop the blood flow on the other wrist? He could use toilet paper, but that was too thin. It was better than nothing at all though.

Bull was in the process of unwrapping almost a whole roll of toilet paper when Chunk came into the bathroom.

"Bull? You in here?"

"Chunk!" Bull called, relief flooding through him. "Last stall, _get over here_!"

Chunk rushed forward at the urgency of Bull's voice and immediately felt sick at what he saw. Bull had wrapped his own tie around Benny's wrist to stop the bleeding and was attempting to use thin pieces of toilet paper to protect the other one. The toilet paper wasn't working as well as the tie though.

Chunk usually complained about how expensive his suits and ties were, how valuable they could be, but none of them even came close to how priceless Benny was. There were thousands of ties, but only one of Benny.

And that's why Chunk did not hesitate for a second before sliding next to Bull. He was already ripping off his tie and tying it tightly around Benny's exposed wrist. As he did that, Bull was calling 9-1-1 while using the other hand to keep pressure on the wound. Chunk did the same.

The pressure caused Benny to emit a small moan of pain that crushed Chunk's heart, and when the stylist looked at Bull, he could see his heart crumble as well.

The call didn't take long, and once it was over, both men had hands soaked with blood.

 _Benny's_ blood.

It made both of them sick, made them want to throw up and cry. But they didn't. Benny needed them. And they would be there.

"Benny. Benny!" Chunk called out.

The shorter man slowly blinked open glazed over eyes. He was very out of it, but they needed to somehow keep Benny awake.

...Ch'nk?" he murmured, slightly shifting away from the two males.

"Yeah, yeah, it's me. Bull's here, too."

At this, Benny began to struggle, attempting to pull his arms away from them. "...What are you doing? _Stop_."

"Benny, quit moving!" Bull growled. "If you think I'm just going to let you die here, you better think again!"

" _Stop_ , please," Benny whispered, still pulling his arms away. His face was becoming pale very quickly, and the two men were not liking it.

"Benny, we can't let you bleed out here," Chunk insisted. He pressed tighter on the wound to keep Benny from moving, soliciting another moan of pain from the other man.

"Benny, please, for God's sake, _stop moving_. We're trying to _help_ you. I won't let you die here!" Bull snapped, but his worried voice cracked at the end, emotion getting the best of him.

Benny just wanted this to end. He wanted everything to end, yet his two friends refused to let that happen. Some friends they were. Benny didn't mind Chunk being there despite his attempts to save him. It was _Bull_ he was worried about. Bull's name fit him because he was as stubborn as one. If Bull didn't want Benny to die, then Benny wasn't going to die despite his desperate wishes to.

There were footsteps running down the hall, calling Bull's name. Chunk stood quickly and ran outside, directing the paramedics into the bathroom. Everything else was a blur to Benny as his eyes slowly closed shut for what he hoped would be the last time.

* * *

It had taken hours of waiting before Bull was allowed inside Benny's hospital room. Chunk was ordered to go home a long time ago. Bull had washed his hands several times, trying to scrape off blood he knew was no longer there.

Now, sitting in an uncomfortable hospital chair with nothing to do but listen to the incessant beeping of the heart monitor, Bull was overcome with guilt.

It was his fault. It was all his fault. If he had said something sooner, they wouldn't be here. Benny wouldn't be in a hospital bed looking smaller than he ever did before. He had thinned out to a point where the doctors struggled to find a way to safely insert an IV. His hospital gown hung so loosely on his body that Bull wasn't even sure if Benny was even there. How? How did Benny manage to destroy himself so much in less than a week? Bull hadn't thought it was possible, but now he had living and breathing proof in front of him.

' _But only a few hours ago, he wasn't really breathing and he sure as hell wasn't living.'_

And it was that thought that finally broke the Bull.

Tears flowed from behind his glasses, his stifled sobs echoing in the white, lifeless room. He hadn't really realized how close he was to losing Benny until now, until he saw his best friend lying so still in this bed that seemed too large for his small form. The white bandaging on his arms would be taken off, but he knew the scars would never fade. They will always be a reminder to all of them how close they were to losing a member of their family.

Bull reached out and held Benny's hand in his own. He just wanted Benny to wake up. He wanted to tell Benny how sorry he was, show him how much he really did care. He wanted to help him, to figure out what had caused this predicament in the first place.

How Bull prayed it wasn't his fault.

Bull wiped away his tears, cleaned his face. Just as Bull was about to close his eyes to rest, a small groan sounded from the man. Bull shot up in his seat, almost waiting impatiently for Benny to open his eyes.

"Come on, Benny. You got this. It's okay," Bull gently coaxed, his grip on Benny's hand tightening.

Those brown eyes slowly opened and blearily blinked as he looked around the room. "Where…?"

"You're at the hospital, Benny," Bull replied quietly.

"W-What? Why am I here?" He asked. The heart monitor started to beep faster, and Bull could see the panic in Benny's eyes.

"Benny. _Benny!_ Benny, listen to me. You have to calm down. Relax. You're fine, okay? You're okay. You have to relax," Bull soothed, placing his other hand on Benny's shoulder with his grip becoming tighter still on Benny's hand.

"Bull, I can't be here. I _shouldn't_ be here."

"No. You are _exactly_ where you need to be. You need to be here. With _us_."

"Bull...I am so sorry," Benny whispered, his heart monitor slowing and tears building up in his eyes. Even so, Benny refused to let them fall.

"It's okay, Benny. You can cry. I am _not_ here to judge you."

It was Bull's soft and understanding tone that caused the first tear to fall. Once the first tear fell, there was no stopping the ones that followed. Benny used his free hand to cover his mouth and nose as he looked away and attempted to stifle his cries. Bull removed his hand from Benny's shoulder to instead wrap it around Benny's hand as well. Now both hands were holding Benny's as he watched the younger man cry.

"Bull, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I never meant for it to get this bad," Benny choked out.

"Yes, you did," Bull whispered, but his voice held no malice or accusatory tone. "You knew it would get this bad, maybe you didn't want it to, but you knew it would."

Benny didn't reply.

"Benny, I'm not angry with you, really. I am more concerned and worried that anything. I'm also sorry."

Benny looked at him wide-eyed. "Sorry? For what?"

"For not helping you when I knew you needed it," Bull answered simply. "For not being a friend when you needed me to. For not offering a hand when you fell. I'm sorry for not being there for you."

Benny swallowed thickly and looked down. "There was nothing you could have said to change my mind, Bull."

"You know that's a lie. You were probably so alone, Benny, and I didn't offer one bit of comfort. You were going through a tough time, and I didn't even ask if you were okay," Bull reminded, dropping one hand but continuing to hold on with his other.

Bull could feel Benny's grip on his hand tighten. He was getting somewhere.

"I should have told you."

Bull furrowed his eyebrows. "Told me what?"

"What had happened. I just didn't think you'd care."

"Benny, why wouldn't I care? You're my best friend. Of _course_ I'd care." Bull's tone was almost disbelieving. Despite his training, despite his education, the situation was always different when it was someone you cared about. You'd understand why they did what they did, but the shock and disbelief would never go away.

"...They told me so."

' _They? It was another person, people even? Someone else caused this?'_ Bull had several thoughts going through his head. ' _Who did this? Who, Benny?'_

"Who's 'they,' Benny?" Bull tried to sound patient, he really did, but he was sure some anger had slipped through.

Benny flinched. "Bull, forget it."

"I'm not going to forget it, Benny. If they hurt you, I'm not going to let it go. Who is 'they?'"

Benny hesitated. He hesitated longer than Bull wanted him to. Who was Benny trying to protect? Why was he so determined to have Bull stay away? He had said he wanted Bull to know, but now he was holding everything back. Why?

"It was from the Sorin case."

Bull paused. "The _Sorin_ case? The one from last week?"

Regardless of the fact that Benny had run himself nearly six feet underground with that case, the trial had gone fairly smoothly. The jury was easy to figure out, and the trial had gone well. It was just the lawyers that made everything go to Hell. They were a pack of vicious wolves that blocked every move the TAC team made.

"Yeah. That one." Benny's voice was quiet. He was clearly anxious, tense. He didn't like this conversation, but he knew they had to have it sooner than later. Benny figured his recovery would be much easier if the conversation was had sooner.

"What about it?" Bull asked, silently urging Benny to continue.

"Those lawyers. I've dealt with opponents with worse attitudes, but these guys didn't like to lose."

Anger in Bull flared up. "What did they do?" His voice was hardened with vexation. Bull would find those lawyers and made sure they regret everything they did to Benny.

"It was the day before closing arguments. They found me walking back from the coffee shop. They cornered me on the sidewalk, threatened me. I stood my ground, but, Bull, the things they said…"

"What did they say?"

Benny had gone to a cafe to get the team lunch, but it was really Bull who forced him to go. He had thought Benny had needed a break from everything, just a nice walk to relax his mind, but it seemed Bull had thrown him to the dogs instead.

"They told me how you hated losing, how I better be careful to make sure I didn't screw up. They said if I screwed up, I'd lose everything like I have before: my job, people I care about, called me expendable. They threatened everything. They demanded that I step down, and I guess that only threw on more pressure. I had to make sure I didn't lose. As much as hate to say it, it wasn't about Mrs. Sorin anymore-"

"It was about proving them wrong," Bull finished with a sigh.

Benny swallowed and nodded, looking away again.

"Benny, what those lawyers said could not be more wrong. Sure, I hate losing, but I hate seeing you beat yourself over it more."

Benny looked up, surprise and glimmer of hope in his eyes. Bull pounced on that desire, desperate to show Benny he cared because he cared so, so much.

"Benny, I sent you to get that coffee so you can relax. You were stressing yourself out way too much. You were losing sleep and you didn't take breaks unless one of us forced you to. I didn't mean for you to get cornered by those lawyers, didn't mean for you to hear those lies. If we had lost, yes, I would have been upset, but I would have known you tried, and there was always a next time. I wouldn't _fire_ you over it. You can't win them all. I care more about you and the team than winning a case. The last thing I wanted you to do was nearly kill yourself over it."

Benny recoiled at that, and Bull swallowed back the instinct to pull back into a hug. God, he felt so terrible for what Benny had endured, what he had gone through alone. The lawyers that did this to him would pay. Bull would make sure of that. But for right now, Benny needed him more than ever. And Bull would be there to help him.

* * *

It had been about an hour since Benny had woken up. A couple of nurses had bustled in and out, checking on machines and asking Benny how he felt, but there was still no sign of the doctor. Bull was beginning to become annoyed. What kind of hospital took this long for a doctor to respond to a patient? It was ridiculous, and Bull was about to go to the nurses' desk to find out what was taking so damn long when Benny's stomach growled quietly. At that moment, he knew something more important had to be addressed.

"Hungry?" Bull asked with a slight smile. The smile soon faded when Benny shook his head.

"No, no, I'm okay."

Bull was going to put a stop to that. "Benny, don't lie to me. When was the last time you ate?"

Benny hesitated. "Don't remember. But that was because I never had an appetite," he added quickly.

Bull could feel his jaw drop slightly. "You...You don't _remember?"_

"...No…"

"Benny, you can't do that! You need to eat, you know. You can't just starve yourself!"

Benny shrugged one shoulder, finding a loose thread on the sheets more interesting than Bull. "Worked well enough for me," he muttered, but it wasn't meant for Bull to hear.

It didn't matter. Bull heard it anyway.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean, Benny?"

Benny bit the inside of his cheek. "Didn't like myself. I changed it."

Bull had to hold back a scoff. Was Benny actually serious? Did he not realize that he had been perfect the way he was, and that the team wouldn't have changed him for the world? Of course he didn't. Benny couldn't. Not with what he was going through. Why was it so easy for Bull to forget that?

"You were fine the way you were," Bull replied calmly. "We wouldn't have changed a thing about you. How could you destroy yourself like this?"

"I didn't _destroy_ myself, Bull." Benny's voice was hostile.

"Benny, take a good look at yourself! Do you look healthy to you? Do you look good in your eyes?" Bull exclaimed, trying to reel in his anger and praying Benny could hear his worry.

"...You won't like my answer."

"Oh, God, Benny…" Bull whispered, placing his face in his hand, trying to figure out how in the world he was going to fix this.

"We love you, okay? We really, really do, but this...this isn't you," Bull said, glancing up at his best friend, who refused to look at him. "You're way too thin, Benny. It's not healthy. You'll make yourself sick like this. Benny, please eat _something_. You can't ignore food forever."

Benny opened his mouth to speak but stopped. Even the thought of food made Benny want to throw up. The truth was, he wanted to get better. He wanted to be who really was, but was it worth the risk? That day, when the lawyers ripped into Benny on the street, he had never held so much hate for himself as he did then. He hated everything about himself, everything and anything. He hated the way he looked, he hated hearing his voice, he hated his inability to write a good argument...he despised himself.

Now Bull was here, telling him that he had been _perfect_ when all Benny had seen were his flaws, his imperfections, his mistakes. Was it really worth risking it all again just to be what? Perfect? Happy? Normal? What if he went back to who he used to be and ended up hating himself all over again? He didn't want to go back through the pain, to risk going through this whole cycle again.

But he wanted to be him again.

God, why was this so _hard?_

"Benny?"

And there goes Bull again.

Never had Benny seen him so emotional, so heartfelt. Benny wouldn't deny that he had missed his best friend. Throughout Benny's destruction, they had hardly talked, barely spared a glance at each other. Benny had felt Bull's eyes on him when he wasn't looking, but whenever he glanced to him, the gaze was averted, and Benny was feeling alone all over again. It didn't feel right. The two of them normally joked with each other, gone to grab drinks at a bar after a case, but that didn't happen this time. Why? Because Benny had left as soon as possible. He had rushed home to be with who? No one but his depression?

"I want to be better...I really do."

"Benny, I'm here. I want to help you, but you have to let me."

"Okay...yeah…."

"I'm going to get something for you to eat. Can you be alone for a little while?"

Benny nodded. "Yeah. I'll be okay."

"Do you want me to call Izzy?"

"No!" Benny shouted. He immediately lowered his voice at Bull's raised eyebrow. "Please, no. I don't want her to see...I don't need to hear what she has to say right now."

And Bull understood because he knew how... _passionate_ Isabella Colón could be at times.

"Alright. I'll be back as soon as I can, Benny."

And he was gone. And Benny was alone.

His stomach growled painfully as Benny began to realize the damage he had done to himself. He knew this wouldn't all go away within the week. This could take days, weeks, even months to resolve. He knew he had to get help, had to do something to fix this, to fix _him_. And he was sorry. He really was. He didn't mean to tear them apart like this, to worry his teammates, his friends, his _family_. It had all gone so wrong so fast. He had torn down everything he stood for in five days. It was only five days, but never had he felt so isolated.

If Bull hadn't intervened when he did, who knew how long it would have last?

* * *

He couldn't do it.

He had only eaten three spoonfuls before his stomach began protesting. _Only three_.

Bull had brought him some soup from the hospital's cafeteria, hoping this would be easier on Benny's stomach, but as the shorter man buried his face in his hands, they both knew it wouldn't be easy at all.

"It was only three," Benny murmured from behind his hands.

"Benny, that's okay. Just try a little more. Don't rush it."

"It shouldn't be this bad."

"Benny, you deprived yourself of food for days. Your stomach needs to grow accustomed to eating larger meals again."

"I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing."

"Right. Sorr- Damn."

"Just relax and try again when you're ready."

"I can't."

"Yes, you can. The more you tell yourself you can't, the more you start to believe and end up not actually being able to do it."

"What?"

"Benny, just relax and try when you're ready."

"You keep saying that over and over again."

"And you keep apologizing and berating yourself. I guess we're both like broken records then."

"I won't disagree with 'broken.'"

" _Benny…_ "

"Right." He had to bite back another apology.

Benny stared at the bowl of soup in front of him. He wanted to eat it, it was the first step to becoming healthy again, but his body seemed insistent that he starve. Each spoonful sent an undesired wave of revulsion and nausea through him.

Benny lifted the spoon to his mouth again and took another quiet sip of the slowly cooling soup. His stomach revolted against the liquid. Benny had to lean forward, his arm resting on criss-crossed legs, hand covering his mouth. One hand was holding his stomach and his eyes closed shut. He heard Bull stand up.

"Benny?" His voice was full of alarm.

"I feel like I'm going to throw up."

Bull had crossed the room back and forth with just four strides, trash can by the bed just in case. He rested a hand on Benny's back, massaging smooth circles as Benny fought down his nausea. He _needed_ to keep this down. He needed to get better. If he just pushed himself as much as he had degraded himself, he could be better in no time.

"I want to get better. I do," Benny whispered, biting back a groan as his stomach flopped again.

"I know you do, Benny. I do, too."

The nausea passed after a few more seconds.

"I think I'm okay for now," Benny muttered.

"You sure?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm sure."

Bull nodded and moved back to his seat. His eyes were full of sympathy as Benny slowly pushed the bowl of soup away.

Benny wanted to cry. This was so much more difficult than he thought it would be. Why was it so easy to tear himself down but so hard to build himself back up? He didn't understand. He just wanted to go back to work, to be normal again.

But he knew nothing was ever that simple.

* * *

Benny had been awake and coherent for nearly eight hours when the doctor had finally come in. Bull had been so angry that the doctor was practically banned from his own patient's hospital room. Benny had tried to reason with Bull, but the man's words had been:

"If it has taken him this long to come see his patient, he obviously doesn't care. Therefore, he's not needed."

Benny, though he would never admit it, felt his heart warm at the fact that Bull was standing up for him, protecting him. It wasn't as if Bull had _never_ stood up for him, it was just uncommon. He normally left Benny to fight his own battles, and Benny actually didn't mind that. Being shorter than most men, Benny needed to have a larger than life personality and a loud voice with an attitude that spoke volumes. Having Bull tower over him like some guard dog was only going to make things worse. Not to mention that Bull attracted his own trouble on a daily basis. His witty remarks and sarcastic tones often rubbed people the wrong way and irked them to no end.

Either way, the doctor had left and the nurses did their routine checks. They were the only staff that Bull didn't hate. However, night was closing in fast once more, and Benny's eyelids were growing heavier by the minute.

"Go to sleep, Benny."

"Only if you go home, Bull."

"You know I'm not leaving you here alone."

"Why?"

"You know why."

There was silence for a moment.

"Nightmares aren't uncommon after an experience like yours."

"Bull…"

"What?"

"I am so not in the mood for one of your little psychology lessons."

Benny heard Bull laugh.

"What?"

"'Psychology lessons?'"

"Yes. Psychology lessons. Instead of joining TAC, you should've become a psychology professor."

"Definitely not my style."

"You would've had me fooled," Benny replied sarcastically, shifting so that his back was to Bull.

There was silence that followed. Concern raised in Benny when he didn't hear Bull reply.

"Bull?"

"Yeah?"

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm good." Benny could hear the smile in Bull's voice, and he had to grin himself.

Yeah. They were fine for now.

* * *

Bull knew it was going to happen sooner or later. He just didn't expect it to happen just ten minutes after Benny had fallen asleep.

"No...no, please...stop."

Benny's anguished moans snapped Bull out of his thoughts. The older man reached over and took one of Benny's hands into his own before gently shaking the lawyer with his other hand.

"Benny," Bull called soothingly. "Benny, wake up. It's just a dream, Benny."

It took longer than Bull would have liked, but Benny eventually opened his eyes, tears streaming down them. Bull hesitated before pulling Benny into a side hug. He could feel the smaller man shaking. The entire time, Benny refused to look Bull in the eye.

* * *

"So I can finally go home?"

"Yup."

"Really?"

"Mm-hmm."

"Already?"

"Benny."

"Sorry."

" _Benny…_ "

"Right. No apologizing."

"It's okay. But you have to get in the wheelchair."

"What? Why?"

"Hospital procedure."

"I injured my arms, not my legs."

"Hey, I didn't make the rules," Bull replied, raising his hands in defense.

"Yeah. You only demanded that I be released now because I could have the same care at home as I do here because you _fired my doctor."_

"...I didn't make the rules."

Benny rolled his eyes as he sat himself down in the wheelchair. "So where's the nurse to wheel me out?"

Bull looked at him, his eyes narrowed in confusion. " _I'm_ wheeling you out," Bull replied slowly.

"Oh." Benny rubbed the back of his neck. "You don't have to. You've already done enough."

"I do it because I want to," Bull answered. He grasped the handles of the wheelchair and began pushing it out of the room.

"You do it because you feel guilty."

' _Why is it that I feel like every time Benny and I take a step forward towards recovery, we take two steps back less than an hour later?'_ Bull thought with a sigh in his mind.

"I do it because you're my best friend, Benny. You're going through a tough time, and I want to help."

' _I want to prove to you that those lawyers were wrong. I want to show you you're not expendable.'_

"Yeah, right. No one in their right mind would want to spend their free time with a problem like me."

Benny couldn't see Bull's face, but an angry and confused expression contorted Bull's features.

"...What...What the _hell_ , Benny?"

"Bull, that wasn't supposed to be said out loud," Benny defended, the surprise evident in his voice, as if he really didn't mean to say it.

"You shouldn't have been thinking about it anyway." Bull pushed the wheelchair into the empty elevator before hitting the Lobby button. He positioned the wheelchair towards the exit and stood behind so he could see Benny's face in the door's reflection and vice versa.

"I know. It's just difficult, you know?" Benny scoffed and closed his eyes. "No...No, you don't know. You've never been as screwed up as me and I pray you never will."

Bull reached over the back of the wheelchair and squeezed Benny's shoulder. "Benny, you're not screwed up. And we will get through this. I promise. You're not alone."

' _I'll make sure of it.'_

* * *

 **Author's Note:** _So that is Sanctuary. I hope you enjoyed. Please let me know if you want a second chapter involving Benny's recovery and some more Benny/Bull friendship! Also, let me know if you think it a good idea to write a story about the accident Benny had gotten into that was referenced in the story. Until then...Thank you for reading!_


	2. Chapter 2

**Title:** _Sanctuary_

 **Genre:** _Hurt/Comfort/Family_

 **Rating:** _T_

 **Characters:** _Benny Colón, Jason Bull_

 **Summary:** _Bull saw him breaking, but, for once in his godforsaken life, he didn't know what to say when it mattered the most._

 **Pairings:** _None_

 **Warnings:** _Depression, attempted suicide, mentions of self-harm, anorexia, anxiety, extreme Bull/Benny friendship, probably OOC Bull and Benny_

 **Word Count:** _5,484 words_

 **Author's Note:** _First off, I'd like to give a big thanks to the guests who reviewed. I couldn't respond to you directly, but I'd like to say thank you for the nice review you left me. It means a lot._

 _Now this chapter is going to be all about Benny's recovery and some team in it, too. There will be a big twist here so be prepared. Without further ado, please enjoy!_

xxxxxxx

"Can you tell me again why we're at my house?" Benny asked with a sigh, sitting himself exhaustedly on the couch.

Bull sat next to him, leaning back and resting one arm on the couch's back edge. Crossing his left ankle over his right knee, he replied, "Because last I recall, your sister took my house away from me during the divorce, leaving me in a relatively nice apartment with almost no furniture."

Benny winced in sympathy for him. "Yeah...Sorry about that."

Bull furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. "'Sorry?' What for? Wasn't your fault."

"Yeah, but I knew she could be such a witch sometimes. I could've talked her out of it," Benny replied, rubbing the back of his neck. Unlike Bull, Benny was in a more tense position. He was leaning forward, forearms resting on his knees.

"Oh, come on, Benny. She's not a _witch-_ " Benny craned his head around to give Bull an incredulous look. "Okay, so maybe sometimes she can get a bit out of hand, but she's still your sister, and you know nothing you would have said would have made her change her mind."

Benny rolled his eyes, turning back to face forward. "Are you going to give me the whole 'she's-your-sister-so-you-should-tell-her-you-attempted-to-kill-yourself' speech?"

This time, it was Bull who flinched. Benny's words were so blunt, so nonchalant, as if his suicide attempt had been no big deal. Almost as if it was an "it happened, move on" situation when, really, Benny terrified the entire team with the threat of losing him forever.

"No, but if you'd like me to, I can," Bull replied smoothly, attempting to hide the pain Benny's question just caused.

The shorter man was so determined on keeping Isabella in the dark. The two had just reconciled. This would surely drive a wedge in between the siblings again if Isabella found out Benny kept this from her. Not only that, but she would be pissed as hell if she found out Bull knew and didn't tell her.

Benny scoffed. "Spare me the agony."

"'The agony?' My speeches can't be that bad."

"Cable told me she nearly fell asleep during one of them."

"Cable fell asleep at her desk once. I'm more surprised she _nearly_ fell asleep rather than actually doing so."

"I nearly did, too."

"Another one I'm surprised at."

"Hey, I am _very_ full of energy at work. I take that as an insult."

"'An insult?' How is that an insult, Benny?"

"You called me lazy."

"I did _not_ call you lazy. You _assumed_ that's what I meant."

Benny rolled his eyes with a small grin on his face. He wasn't going to win this one. When was the last argument he won against Bull? That's right, never.

"Benny, sit _back_. You're home. Relax yourself."

Benny sighed and leaned into the back of his couch. Bull's arm was still on top of the couch, and the limb reached past Benny, but the shorter man didn't mind. His thoughts were too clouded to notice.

The past couple of days were still fresh in his mind. He had _tried_ \- and nearly succeeded, too - in taking his own life. He should be admitted to a psychiatric ward, fired from his job. His reputation would be _ruined_. If the press got wind of this, TAC would be in shambles.

"If you're thinking about TAC's reputation and yours, you don't have to worry about that."

Benny's attention snapped to Bull, who was looking at him with sympathetic eyes and clearly a mind reader. "What do you mean? How can I not worry? I could cost TAC everything."

Bull shrugged. "It's nearly impossible for the press to hear about it. It was only me, you, and Chunk in that bathroom. Everyone else was still in the main room. Not to mention that if they somehow do whip up a story, Cable would take care of it."

Benny licked his lips. "They all know?"

Bull sighed and bit the inside of his cheek. "Yeah. They had to know. The girls wouldn't stop asking Chunk what had happened when they saw the paramedics come and take you away. They were scared and worried, Benny. We had to tell them something."

Bull could feel the smaller man trembling on the couch, and the psychologist couldn't help but wonder if he had said something wrong. Benny had turned his face away from his friend and placed a hand over his nose and mouth.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, and Bull could hear him choking up, the unshed tears in his voice. "I'm so sorry."

"Benny-"

"I know you said no more apologizing, but I'm _so sorry_. I didn't mean for it to get this bad. I knew it would if I didn't _say_ something, but it felt like I couldn't and if I did then-"

" _Benny-_ "

"-I wouldn't be taken seriously, and my problems didn't seem all that important in comparison, and I'm so damn sorry, Bull. I didn't want this. I didn't want this. I'm so sorry-"

" _Benny!_ " Bull snapped, effectively cutting off the younger man, but Benny didn't turn to him. "Benny, it's fine. You're fine. You're okay. Relax. No one is angry at you. We all know you're scared, and we know you're hurting, but you have to let us help you."

When Benny still didn't look at him, Bull lifted his arm off the back of the couch and wrapped it around the lawyer, pulling him closer to Bull. Soon, Benny was in a one-arm hug, pressed against Bull's side. Surprisingly - or _un_ surprisingly, Bull wasn't sure - Benny didn't pull away or fight him. He just melted into Bull's embrace and began sobbing. He let the tears flow down his face, and even though Benny tried to do so quietly, each broken sob shattered a piece of Bull's aching heart.

xxxxxxx

 _Hey, I'm staying over Benny's house. Can you bring me a spare change of clothes?_ \- Bull

 _Yeah, sure. No problem. How is he, by the way? Up for visitors? The girls have been begging to see him._ \- Chunk

 _I'm not sure. I can ask him. He's still a little emotionally volatile though._ \- Bull

 _I wouldn't doubt it. Did you figure why he did it?_ \- Chunk

 _Well, he told me the prosecutors from the Sorin told him how expendable he was, how worthless, tore him down quicker than anything, but there has to be more he's not telling me._ \- Bull

 _Damn! They really did that to him? What do you think happened?_ \- Chunk

 _Might have something to do with Izzy. He is completely adamant on not telling her what happened._ \- Bull

 _Didn't they just reconcile?_ \- Chunk

 _Yeah. But who knows? I'll figure it out sooner or later._ \- Bull

 _Make sure it's sooner rather than later, Bull._ -Chunk

 _I know. I'll see you soon._ \- Bull

 _Yeah._ \- Chunk

Bull looked up from his texts as Benny returned from his room looking more exhausted than when he went in. The lawyer sat back down on the couch next to Bull, but he didn't say a word.

"I thought I said to get some sleep, Benny," Bull said, raising an eyebrow.

"I tried," Benny mumbled, rubbing his eyes in a feeble attempt to wake up. "Didn't work."

"Didn't work? What happened?"

Benny shifted on the couch, closing his eyes, only to open them again slowly. His blinking was sluggish and his movements were delayed. "I couldn't sleep."

Bull was quiet for a moment. "Afraid of those nightmares?"

Benny looked down at his folded hands. "Yeah," he replied quietly. "Something like that."

"Benny, you don't have to be afraid of them. I'm right-"

"Why aren't you mad at me?" Benny asked suddenly, effectively cutting off Bull's consolation.

Bull furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. "Why would I be mad at you?"

"Because of how selfish I was, how stupid! I tried to kill myself to end my misery, but I would've done it without saying a word to you! I destroyed myself to be better in my eyes, but I didn't think about what would happen to TAC's reputation, _your_ reputation, if people were to find out that your in-house counsel was such a bitch-"

"Benny!" Bull growled. "Enough! You are not a bitch, and this wasn't about my reputation, or TAC's. This was about _you_. I was scared for _you_ , and I was angry at myself. I'm not angry at you because you did nothing wrong-"

"Nothing _wrong_?" Benny repeated cynically. He scoffed. "I cut and tried to _kill_ myself."

"Because you felt like no one was there for you, and that was my fault. I should have been there for you," Bull replied, angry at Benny's derision. Sure, the lawyer was tired, but there was no way Bull was going to let those harsh thoughts stew in his mind.

"I understood why you didn't want to help me-"

"I _did_ want to help you, Benny!" Bull interrupted. It seemed the only way the two would get their points across would be by cutting each other off, but Bull knew that wasn't right at all.

"I did want to help you, I wanted to so badly, but I didn't know _how_. I was trained for this, for _years,_ but it was all so different when it came to you," Bull continued softly. "I didn't want to treat you like something that would break at any second. I didn't want to admit that you were like the others I had been taught about. I didn't want to see you as another example, another _statistic_ , like we've been trained to see people."

"But I _am_ another statistic, Bull," Benny replied, equally as quiet. Their yelling match was over, leaving the two distraught and more tired than first going into it. "I am just another person who deals with mental illness, another person that could be added to the census of people who can be diagnosed with depression. No one really cares."

"For the love of God, Benny, _I do_. I care," Bull answered, almost pleading with his brother. "Why can't you just remember that? I care about what happens to you, and I hate seeing you get hurt, or worse, hurt yourself."

"Isabella said you used me to win the divorce. How do I know I'm not just a pawn to you?" Benny questioned, nails suddenly digging into his palms.

"We talked about this, Benny. I hired you because I care about you, okay? I hired you because I love you for who you are. We didn't want you to change. We thought you were perfect the way you were. Hurting yourself was the _last_ thing we wanted, Benny. I didn't ' _win'_ you in the divorce. You're your own person. I wasn't trying to make you feel like you had to choose sides."

Bull's phone buzzed in his lap, but he ignored it, attention still on his wary friend across from him.

"Benny, you're tired, you're hurting, afraid. I understand if you don't believe the words coming out of my mouth, but please know that I mean it. I mean every single word. I do love you, and I want you to get better. My reputation and TAC's reputation are the least important concerns right now. You are my main priority."

"After Isabella divorced you, you could have just left me behind. You didn't need to keep me around. I would have understood."

And here it was, the brunt of Benny's turmoil. Bull knew it was too good to be true: that it wouldn't be hard to convince Benny he was wanted, _needed_. The younger man had been so calm in the hospital - well, as calm as he could be - but now his real feelings were beginning to show. Bull was starting to see just how deep Benny's scars really went. Figuratively and literally.

"You did hear what I just said, right? I wouldn't leave you behind. I treasure our friendship too much to just leave like that," Bull answered, and it was the truth. Bull wouldn't lie to Benny, not about this.

Benny was quiet for a few moments before saying, "I'm sorry. I don't know why I lashed out like that."

"It's common, Benny," Bull replied simply. "Anger is natural in situations like this."

Benny suddenly started chuckling, and Bull blinked in surprise, wondering what the lawyer found so funny.

"I'm textbook, huh?" Benny asked, but he didn't sound derogatory. Therefore, Bull had to urge to smile.

"Yeah, textbook," Bull grinned.

But on the inside, Bull wasn't laughing.

' _These mood swings...I might get more information from them than Benny will ever tell me willingly.'_

And, somehow, that hurt.

xxxxxxx

The doorbell rang. Benny's eyes immediately snapped open from his nap on the couch, causing Bull to frown. He was attempting to cook dinner in the kitchen after Benny had finally fallen asleep. Bull had heard murmuring from the sleeping male and wondered if he should wake him. But the murmuring never escalated, so Bull had assumed everything was okay. Now Benny was awake and had gotten only fifteen minutes of sleep.

"Who's here?" Benny questioned, sitting up on the couch as Bull walked back to the living room. The lawyer was alert and looked panicked. Bull should have told him Chunk was coming over.

"Hey, don't worry," Bull replied, hand raised in a placating manner. "It's just Chunk. I asked him to bring me a spare change of clothes."

" _Just Chunk_?" Benny asked incredulously. "Did you _forget_ that he was there, watching me bleed out on the floor? I can barely look you in the eye, knowing you were there. How can I look at him?"

"Benny, relax," Bull soothed. "We'll talk about this later. For now, calm down. Chunk knows not to press anything. You know him." Bull began to walk towards the door.

Benny looked torn between leaving the room or staying put as Bull rested his hand on the doorknob. At the very last second, Benny determined he didn't want Chunk to see him look so panicked and afraid right now. Therefore, the lawyer shot up from his seat and towards his bedroom.

Bull sighed softly before twisting the knob and opening the door. Chunk stood in the doorway, looking down at his phone with a duffel bag hanging on his shoulder and a Chinese takeout bag in his hand. The man glanced up when the door opened and came face to face with his boss.

Bull stepped back and let Chunk walk in, closing the door behind him. "Thanks, Chunk."

Chunk nodded, dropping the bags on the couch. "No problem," he replied as Bull walked around to check inside the duffel bag. "The girls wanted to come, but I figured you'd want to ease Benny back into these things." Chunk took a gaze around the room. "Seeing as he's not in the room right now, I take it he's either sleeping or…" Chunk trailed off.

"He's a little overwhelmed by your visit," Bull answered quietly with a small sigh. "I suppose he doesn't want you to see him right now. Made a point of making sure I knew that."

Chunk raised an eyebrow. "Oh?"

Bull put his hands out in a mollifying gesture. "Let's just say he's come to terms with his attempt."

Chunk winced. "That blunt?"

"That _specific_ ," Bull replied as he shook his head. He pointed to the Chinese takeout bag. "What's that?"

"Dinner for you two," Chunk snickered. "Figured you'd have a tough time cooking something to eat, so I thought I'd help with that stress."

Bull laughed and raised his eyebrows before saying, "Yeah, well, you're not wrong. Thanks, Chunk."

"No problem, man."

A haunted look came over Bull's face. "I'll just have to figure out a way to get him to eat it," he whispered, low enough that only Chunk could hear him in case Benny was eavesdropping.

"Why do you say that?" Chunk asked, equally quiet. A concerned frown settled onto the stylist's face.

Bull sighed again, a common occurrence as of late. "Benny was starving himself. When I tried to get him to eat yesterday, his stomach completely revolted at food, and he nearly threw up. He either can't handle it, or he just doesn't want to."

"He did _what_?" Chunk hissed, still in a whisper. "God, I knew it was bad, but I thought he was suffering just from depression, not anorexia."

"It's bad, Chunk," Bull confided seriously, eyes filled with sadness. "Really bad. He refuses to see Izzy and tell her. He also has terrible mood swings, and they almost always come with the purpose of degrading himself. It feels like every time I take a step forward to recovery with him, we suddenly take two steps back."

"Is he trying to get better or are you still working on that?" Chunk questioned, shifting his weight back and forth anxiously.

Bull rubbed the back of his neck. "He said he wants to get better, many times, but something's stopping him from doing so."

Chunk hummed in response, suddenly furrowing his eyebrows. "Maybe it's _because_ of his sister."

Bull raised an eyebrow. "Where'd you get that from?"

"Well, you just told me he doesn't want to see her, and did you _see_ what he used to hurt himself?" Chunk asked.

"Yeah, a pen," Bull responded. Where was Chunk going with this?

Chunk gave Bull an incredulous look. "Bull, are you serious? That pen was the pen Izzy gave him as a present when they reconciled."

Bull paused. " _What?_ "

"I meant to show you. Look in the duffel bag."

Bull rushed to open the duffel bag, unzipping it with so much force, the zipper tag nearly came off. The psychologist pawed through his neatly folded clothes, turning it into a mess, before taking out a ziploc bag that held the pen. The offending weapon was still covered in Benny's blood, not having been washed, and was, in fact, the pen Izzy gave Benny. _B. Colon_ was engraved in gold on the dark blue pen in cursive. The gold clip and outlining of the writing utensil was stained with red, and the body of the pen was nearly purple.

Bull immediately felt sick to his stomach. Was _this_ why Benny was refusing to see his sister? What did Izzy _do_ to him? He knew the woman could be controlling, but the two siblings were working that out! What could she have possibly done that turned Benny to...this?

His own ex-wife. She caused Benny this much pain. Bull didn't know how or why, but she did. Somehow, that upset Bull more than the lawyers did. All Bull had to see - the weight loss, the scars, the blood, the pain - it was partially Isabella Colón's fault. That rocked Bull to his core. How could she do that to her own _brother_? How could Bull care more about his ex-brother-in-law more than Benny's biological older sister? Bull had cried over Benny's hospital bed, never knowing it was because of Isabella that the man he thought of as a brother was there in the first place.

Taking the pen out of the bag was a mistake. They should have talked somewhere else, somewhere in private. The pen never should have entered Benny's home. The expression on Benny's face told them that.

Bull didn't expect Benny to come back out of his room, not until after Chunk left. However, it seemed like Benny had gotten over his anxiety and came to see his other co-worker, only to see the pen he nearly took his life with in Bull's hand. Bull could see the lawyer's face pale and eyes widen.

"Benny-" Bull started.

"Why do you have that?" Benny demanded quietly, eyes locked on the bag.

Neither Bull nor Chunk answered. They were too in shock to form a sentence.

"Why do you have the pen?" Benny restated, his voice stronger this time. He was angry, but Bull knew it wasn't _true_ anger. It was a way to hide the fear, the apprehension. Benny was scared, and it hurt both Bull and Chunk to see that.

"Benny," Bull started again quietly. "What did Isabella do to you?"

This time, it was Benny who was silent. Bull could see Benny swallow as his gaze drifted from the pen to Bull's concerned expression then back to the pen. Bull suddenly realized that Benny was never going to speak with the pen in sight, maybe with it in the room at _all_. He also wasn't going to talk if Chunk was there. He'd feel pressured, cornered. The last thing Bull wanted was Benny feeling like a caged animal.

Bull cleared his throat lightly before turning to Chunk, his back to Benny. Bull handed the bag with the pen to the stylist. "Chunk, can you take this back to my office?" He asked in a voice low enough to avoid Benny's ears.

Chunk nodded in understanding. "Yeah, sure," he replied, taking the pen from Bull's hands. If Chunk was being honest, he hated holding the pen right now. He hated knowing that the offending item was a _gift_ from Benny's older _sister_ , who drove him to attempt _suicide_. It was sickening, and all Chunk wanted to do was throw the damn thing in a fire and watch it burn, but he couldn't. He knew Bull might need it to confront Isabella with or talk to Benny.

So Chunk took the pen, smiled at Benny, gave a small goodbye - which didn't get any reply whatsoever - and left, leaving Bull alone to deal with emotionally distraught Benny.

Bull turned back to his brother once the door had closed behind Chunk and sighed. He plopped himself down on the couch and looked at Benny, who was refusing to move from his fixed position in the bedroom doorway.

"Benny, please," Bull whispered. "What did your sister do to you?"

Benny flinched at that. "She's not my sister," he replied. "She made that perfectly clear."

Bull's jaw clenched in anger. "She... _disowned_ you?"

Benny suddenly found his feet more interesting than Bull. "If you wanted to put it nicely...sure. She disowned me."

"What did she _say_?" Bull breathed. The way Benny put it made it sound like Isabella completely destroyed him, which, now that Bull really thought about it, she did.

"Well, it was after the Sorin case," Benny started.

' _Damn,'_ Bull thought with an internal wince. ' _That case was hell for you, Benny.'_

"We met up for lunch afterwards and we talked. After the lawyers and all, I wasn't really in the mood for light-hearted conversation," Benny continued, shifting his weight.

Bull scooted over on the couch and gestured for Benny to sit next to him. Although Benny hesitated, Bull was immensely glad that Benny did come to rest by his side.

"She saw that I was distracted and got, I dunno, _worried_. But when Isabella's like that, she doesn't _drop_ it. She's not subtle at all, and she doesn't let it go. And the last thing I needed was her stubbornness."

Benny sighed. "I told her, I asked her as nicely as I could, to please drop it. She didn't. She kept pestering me, demanding I tell her what was wrong. I was annoyed and I snapped at her to stay out of it. She got angry, and we got into a fight. It got so heated that one of the staff asked us to take it outside. So we did.

"We were yelling at each other right outside the café. I don't remember exactly how we got to it, but she brought up the divorce again. Said that you used me, that I was nothing but a pawn. She said that if I truly cared about her, I'd be working with her. She said that I was wasting away my life and that she'd rather die than be the sister of a, and I quote, 'sickeningly pathetic failure.'

"So, yeah," Benny sighed. "It just got worse from there. Even when I was beginning to falter, it seemed like Isabella was just getting started. I thought we had made up, that we were better, that we had talked everything through, but I guess there was still things she needed to say, and, well, she said it."

The anger Bull felt was indescribable. What kind of abhorrent and insufferable monster was Isabella Colón? What kind of person did Bull marry? How could he have ever had feelings for a witch like her?

He knew he was being unreasonable, Isabella wasn't always that way, but what she did to Benny was unacceptable. No one should ever speak to their sibling that way, especially when it seemed like their day was rough already.

She had completely undermined Benny, insulted him, brought him down faster than ever before. How could she even _think_ of speaking to him like that? Bull couldn't begin to imagine how he would feel if he ever said something derogatory to Benny, even more so if it drove him to depression. Benny had gotten the short end of the stick that week. No wonder why he felt so worthless. People had flat out told him so. First it was the lawyers, then it was the pressure of the case, and, finally, it was his own sister. And Bull had done nothing to help him!

"Benny," Bull whispered after a few moments of silence. "She had _no_ right to say that to you."

Benny shrugged, looking down at the floor. "Maybe she did, maybe she didn't. It was how she felt. I just don't know why I'm surprised," he answered. He let out a small laugh. "I guess she was speaking for everyone who knew me, had the courage to say what no one else would."

" _Stop_ ," Bull growled. "The team does _not_ think about you that way. _I_ don't think about you that way. She was terrible for saying that, Benny. She was lying. You're perfect, Benny. Don't let her convince you otherwise."

"Easier said than done, Bull. She's not your older sister."

"She is no sister, Benny," Bull answered firmly. "She is no sister at all."

He was going to have a word with Ms. Isabella Colón. And it wasn't going to be pretty.

xxxxxxx

When Bull knew he couldn't stay out of work any longer, he dragged Benny back to the office with him. He knew it wasn't the best idea, but he wasn't leaving Benny home alone, and it seemed like the shorter man understood that. So Benny followed without complaint, but Bull could see the anxiety Benny was feeling about seeing the team again.

Bull had called ahead before the two had left Benny's apartment and gave them strict rules, making sure Benny didn't hear them. The team was not to touch Benny without permission. They would not bring up the attempt unless Benny brought it up. No sympathetic glances or staring. No deprecating comments, even if they were jokes or not. And absolutely _no letting Benny stay by himself without Bull knowing_.

The rules were clear and said in a voice so stern, the team feared what would happen if the demands weren't met. They agreed readily and eagerly awaited to see their team member.

When Bull strode into the office with Benny following closely behind, the team broke out in smiles.

"Hey! Welcome back, Benny!" Danny greeted happily.

Benny smiled slightly in return, giving a small wave. "Hey, guys."

The team faltered. What were they supposed to say? It seemed like everything to ask could suddenly turn into their worst nightmare. Benny instantly seemed so fragile, like he could break at any moment.

Sensing that things were about to go downhill fast, Bull asked, "Anything new?"

"No," Marissa responded. "Everything's quiet for once on our end."

"Glad crime's decided to take a break for a while," Cable sighed, leaning back in her seat.

Bull raised an eyebrow. "Doesn't mean we are. I'm sure you can find something to do."

Cable groaned. "Oh, come on, Bull."

"I don't pay you to lounge around all day, Cable," Bull reminded, walking to his office. "Benny, come here. Need your help with something."

Benny gave another slight smile and a small shrug before following Bull.

Once the two were gone, the rest of the team looked at each other. Concerned expressions were exchanged.

Cable looked out the window as snow slowly fell to the ground. "He's not okay, is he?" She choked out quietly.

Chunk rested a comforting hand on her shoulder. "No. No, he's not," he sighed. He glanced up at Bull's office as his boss drew curtains over the windows. Bull winked at the team as the curtains closed. "But he will be."

xxxxxxx

Marissa was too busy looking at the tablet in her hand to realize that she had walked through Bull's office door without knocking.

"Bull, we have a-" She cut herself off as she glanced up.

Bull had turned his attention from his laptop to her, but Benny was knocked out on Bull's futon. The psychologist was working in the dark and sitting on a chair a couple feet away from Benny's face. Bull raised a finger to his lips, signalling her to lower her voice. She nodded, pursing her lips and pointing to the door. Bull nodded in response and stood up, gently placing the laptop where he was sitting. Bull followed her out of his office and closed the door behind him. He stood in front of the entrance just in case Benny woke up. Then the lawyer could see Bull was just outside and not far.

"What's up?" He asked.

"We got a new case. A man is suing the state for false imprisonment," Marissa answered. She spared a wary glance at the office door, and Bull knew why.

With cases came mock trial. With mock trials, there was an in-house counsel. Their in-house counsel wasn't exactly up for work at the moment. Bull knew Benny wouldn't be able to hold up the workload and added stress of the win. At the same time, Bull couldn't just ignore a person who needed help. He had a business to run.

Bull sighed, running a hand through his hair and glancing at his office. "Tell him that I want to meet with him. I'm going to go talk to Benny. Get Cable and Danny to start digging up what they can about the case."

Marissa nodded and headed off to go assign the girls their roles. She took two steps before stopping and turning back to Bull, who was reaching for the door handle but paused when he saw Marissa look back.

"Bull, how is he?" She asked quietly. "Really."

Bull let out a deep breath. "Uh, he's not... _great_. He's still going through the motions, Marissa. It'll take a little while before he starts becoming more like himself."

"What do we say to him?" Marissa questioned.

Bull tilted his head. "You have to let him start the conversation, but make sure he knows he can talk to you. Be open and invite him to spend time with you, but don't be so obvious about it."

Marissa sighed. "Okay. I'll tell the others. We just want him to get better."

Bull gave a sad smile. "I do, too," he replied before pushing back into his office.

Bull took a quiet deep breath before resting his hand on Benny's shoulder, gently shaking him awake. "Wake up, Benny."

The shorter man slowly pried open his eyes and blearily blinked at the man towering over him.

Bull smiled softly before crouching down to be eye level with his slowly awakening friend. "We just got a new case, so I'm going to be bouncing in and out of the office, but I want you to stay here and _rest_. No working. I'll be checking in with you anytime I can, okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, that's fine," Benny murmured, stretching his arms. "Go, Bull. Your client needs you."

Bull let out a quiet chuckle before standing up and turning to leave. "I'll be back, Benny!"

"Please don't come back," Benny joked.

Bull smiled as he left his office. Benny was progressing quicker than Bull thought he would. It was a good thing, but he was concerned it might be happening too fast. However, with Benny getting better, only a few more things remained unsolved.

"Bull, what time should I tell the client you'll meet with him?" Marissa called as Bull grabbed his jacket.

Bull looked at the clock: _11:45 a.m._

After doing quick mental math, Bull replied, "Four fifteen."

"That's hours from now! What are you going to do?"

"Just have to go talk to some people," Bull answered with a reassuring smile. He caught Chunk's eye, and the stylist nodded in approval.

Bull turned and left the office, a determined expression on his face.

' _Time to go talk to Ms. Isabella Colón.'_


	3. Chapter 3

**Title:** _Sanctuary_

 **Genre:** _Hurt/Comfort/Family_

 **Rating:** _T_

 **Characters:** _Benny Colón, Jason Bull_

 **Summary:** _Bull saw him breaking, but, for once in his godforsaken life, he didn't know what to say when it mattered the most._

 **Pairings:** _None_

 **Warnings:** _Depression, attempted suicide, mentions of self-harm, anorexia, anxiety, extreme Bull/Benny friendship, probably OOC Bull and Benny_

 **Word Count:** _1,579_

 **Author's Note:** _Just as a heads up, the case the team has just received will not be explained in full detail as this story mainly revolves around Bull, Benny, and Benny's decline/recovery. Also, I apologize if this is rushed. Thank you for reading. Enjoy!_

xxxxxxx

"Ms. Colón, the Kellwood Company is trying to raise our unit prices for clothing shipment again," Alison informed nervously, her fingers moving fast across her tablet.

"Don't let them," Isabella ordered, glancing up from her computer on her desk.

Alison looked up from her tablet briefly, swallowing thickly when she saw Isabella's stern face. She nodded frantically and locked her eyes back to her tablet. "Yes, of course, Ms. Colón."

Isabella turned back to her computer to view the schedule for the next day. Her attention was once again interrupted by her office phone. With a breath of annoyance, she answered the call on speaker.

"Yes?"

" _Ms. Colón! Dr. Bull is on his way up! I tried to stop him, but he wouldn't listen! He's really angry!"_

"Elizabeth, what? Slow dow-"

She was interrupted by her door being forcefully opened and an angry Bull stalking in. Isabella ended the call without tearing her surprised gaze away from her ex-husband.

"Jason, what are you doing here?" She asked.

The psychologist turned to Alison, a dangerous look in his eye that everyone knew wasn't aimed at the assistant. "You might want to leave. It'll get a little hostile in here soon."

Alison nodded fearfully and gave a worried gaze to her boss before walking quickly out of the office, shutting the door behind her.

"Bull, what the hell do you think you're doing?" Isabella snapped, eyebrow raised in annoyance.

Bull slowly turned back towards her. "What do I think I'm doing?" He repeated lowly. "What do I think? What were _you_ thinking, Isabella?!" He yelled.

"What are you talking about?" Isabella shot back.

"I'm talking about Benny! What were you thinking, saying something like that to your younger brother? Your _only_ brother!" Bull demanded viciously.

"He _told_ you?" Isabella scoffed incredulously.

"How can you ask me like that? Of _course_ he told me! I forced him to! You hurt him!"

"He did it to himself," Isabella argued. "If he had just come to work for me-"

"Oh, for God's sake, Isabella, shut up," Bull growled. "Get off your damn high horse for once and look at yourself. You guys are all you have left. Your parents are gone, and it's not like you have another sibling to talk to. Benny _tried_ with you! But he isn't the problem. You are!"

"How dare you?" Isabella questioned, leaning forward in her chair.

"How dare I? How dare _you?_ How could you think it was okay to undermine him like that? After all he's done, after all he's _tried_ to do, it's never enough, is it? You always want more, expect more. Truth is, not everyone's perfect, especially not you!" Bull snarled.

"You come into _my_ office and disrespect me? Who do you think you are, Jason?" Isabella yelled, standing up from her chair and slamming her hands on the desk.

Bull didn't even flinch. Instead, he leaned closer to her and growled, "I think I'm more of a brother to Benny than you are. I think I'm the one he needs most. I think I'm the one he can trust and count on. I think I'm the one who will be there to help him when someone tears him down, especially when it's his older sister, the one who is _really_ supposed to be there to take care of him, to laugh with him, to spend time with him. But you will never be there. You will _never_ see him again. I'll make damn sure of that."

"You can't keep my brother away from me, Bull!" Isabella yelled back as Bull turned and started to walk away.

Bull rested his hand on the door handle and turned his head back to her. "You lost the title of being his older sibling a long time ago. To have Benny be family is a pleasure not everyone can have. Now it's my turn. Think about _that_ , ' _Izzy,'_ " Bull replied mockingly. With that, he opened the door and left the office triumphantly, leaving a red-faced Isabella Colón behind.

' _You're right, Benny,'_ Bull thought exasperatedly. ' _She is a witch. You deserve so much better.'_

xxxxxxx

"Bull? What are you doing back so early? You still have another hour before the client arrives," Marissa asked, looking up from her tablet.

"Need some time to talk to Benny," Bull answered, dropping a box of doughnuts onto the table. "Where is he?"

Marissa gestured with her pen in the direction of Chunk's office. "He's with Chunk right now. He asked where you went."

Bull nodded and went to retrieve his friend. He pushed open the door to Chunk's office, only to be welcomed to the sound of laughter.

Bull blinked in surprise at the smiles on Benny and Chunk's faces. Wasn't Benny afraid of Chunk right now? Uncomfortable, at least? Didn't he say he didn't want to be alone with Chunk? So why were they all of a sudden laughing together? Not that Bull minded, but it was a sudden change from just a few hours before.

Chunk spotted him first. He waved his hand for Bull to come in. "Hey, man! Benny and I were just talking some of my old football days."

"What's so funny about your football career?" Bull asked, raising an eyebrow as he stepped further into the room.

"Just reminiscing some good ol' pranks the team and I used to pull. Just good times in general. Wanna join?"

"I would, but I came to pull Benny away from you for a moment," Bull responded with a smug grin.

Chunk scoffed lightheartedly. "Oh? You think you just come in here and take this great company away from me?"

"That's exactly what I came to do. You're hogging him."

"I'm hogging him? Says the one who spent the night at his house. You need to learn how to share, Bull," Chunk reprimanded lightly.

Bull furrowed his eyebrows. "Share? Why would I share Benny with you? He'd rather spend time with me, right, Benny?"

The two looked at the younger male, who was sitting on the couch in a stunned silence. He was looking between his co-workers, trying to figure out what he should say in this situation.

"Um…" Benny slowly started.

"See?" Bull asked Chunk. "He wants to be with me. Come on, Benny!"

The confused lawyer gave an apologetic shrug and smile to Chunk as he followed his boss out the door. The two walked silently to Bull's office and sat down after Bull had shut the door and pulled down the blinds.

"So, Benny…" Bull started from his seat next to his friend.

Benny raised an eyebrow apprehensively. "Yeah…?" He replied slowly.

"First things first," Bull pointed in the direction of Chunk's office with an interested look. "What happened there?"

Benny rubbed the back of his neck shyly. "Well, you had left, so Chunk came over and insisted on talking to me. We went to his office, and, well, he started off slow with the basics like ' _I'm here for you'_ and ' _You can talk to me,'_ but it didn't sound rehearsed. Sounded like he really meant it. So I stuck around and we just talked about much of nothing."

Bull nodded in his head in approval. "Well, there is no doubt in my mind that Chunk did mean that. All of us do. We are here for you." Bull took a deep breath. "Speaking of which…"

"You went to see my sister," Benny deadpanned in a monotone voice, eyeing Bull with a look the older man couldn't quite decipher.

Bull furrowed his eyebrows. "How did you-?"

"Lucky guess," Benny deadpanned again.

' _Okay. So he's really angry,'_ Bull winced internally.

"Yes. I did go see Isabella. You don't have to worry about her anymore."

"What does that mean?"

"That I'll take care of her."

Benny growled in frustration. "Bull, stop being so damn cryptic and answer me clearly! What did you say to her?"

Calmly, Bull replied, "I told her what I believed and that is that I _know_ she is not fit to be an older sister. What she did to you was wrong and if that's how she feels about you, then she has no business being in your life."

Benny went quiet for a moment. "You didn't tell her about...you know…?"

Bull shook his head. "She doesn't know about any of that."

"Did she even _care_?" Benny sounded so broken, Bull wasn't sure if he wanted to answer.

"Benny-"

"Answer me. Did she even care about me?"

Bull hesitated. "No," he finally answered. "She was only thinking about herself."

Benny scoffed and shook his head. Bull could just barely see unshed tears in his eyes. "Typical Izzy. How could I ever expect anything different from her? I should be used to this."

"You shouldn't have to be," Bull consoled.

"Yeah, well, that's life. I'm so pathetically weak that I couldn't even handle my problems like a real person like you guys do. And then here I am, complaining, whining about a sister that doesn't love me-"

"Benny!" Bull interrupted. "We all have our own problems. Never compare your issues to others or undermine yourself."

Benny gave a defeated look to Bull. "If I could go back in time and stop this, I would."

"I would, too, Benny," Bull sighed. "But we can't. The only thing we can do is move on. Time heals all wounds."

"This isn't a simple wound, Bull."

Bull gave a small smile. "We aren't simple people."


	4. Chapter 4

**Title:** _Sanctuary_

 **Word Count:** _2,826_

 **Author's Note:** _Sorry for the long wait. Here's another chapter! I also hope you guys don't mind if Chunk starts to play a little bit of a bigger role. Let me know what you guys think! Enjoy!_

xxxxxxx

Okay, so, Bull did not see this one coming. Well, he _did_ , but he thought this problem would be fixed already. Turns out it wasn't, and just when he thought Benny was going to catch a break, he and Chunk had to witness Benny losing his lunch in the bathroom.

They turned away from the stall to give Benny some privacy, but it didn't block out the heart-wrenching sound of Benny's depraved stomach rebelling against him.

"It was like this in the hospital?" Chunk asked.

"Yeah," Bull responded quietly, nodding his head. "Yeah. He didn't eat for a few days and he still hasn't eaten much since, so his stomach isn't accustomed to that much food. Therefore, when he ate that sandwich Cable brought him to calm her nerves…"

"He made himself sick over it," Chunk finished, sighing as Bull tilted his head in confirmation.

Finally, Benny's retching stopped after about a minute or two. They heard him unravel toilet paper to clean his mouth just before they heard the toilet flush. When he didn't exit the stall shortly after, Bull asked,

"Benny, you okay?"

"Fine," was the short reply.

Chunk and Bull didn't really know what to say in response to that. After all, Benny had just vomited in front of them after forcing himself to eat something he was _physically incapable of consuming_ in order to reassure his teammate that he was fine when he really wasn't fine.

Chunk pointed towards the bathroom's exit, suggesting that they should maybe give Benny time to himself before he came out. Bull shook his head. That was _not_ a good idea. Of all the places to leave Benny alone, the TAC bathroom was _not_ a smart option.

Furrowing his eyebrows in confusion, it took Chunk a moment to realize what Bull had meant, and he made sure Bull knew he understood based on the wide-eyed expression and grimace that followed. Their revelations were confirmed when Benny finally spoke.

"I wasn't really thinking about it when I first came in here, but now...I don't think I'll be able to look at this place the same, and it sounds stupid because it's a _bathroom_ , for Christ's sake, but still...of all the places in the world, I had chosen to die here."

Bull and Chunk had followed Benny to the first stall in the bathroom, which, thankfully, was on the complete opposite side of the bathroom where Benny's attempt had been made. Still, as Bull and Chunk stood outside Benny's stall, all they had to do was take one look to the side, to the far end of the bathroom, and they could imagine the red pool of blood that stood an ugly contrast against the white tiled floor as it remained visible from beneath the stall walls. The mess had been long cleaned by Chunk before he met up with Bull and Benny at the hospital, but it was an image that would never be erased from the two men's minds.

"Benny, you need to stop thinking about it," Bull replied quietly.

"Easier said than done," Benny answered, appearing at the stall's entryway. He looked more tired than he had this morning. He was paler, had darker bags under his eyes. "After all, you hadn't almost died in front of the ones you love most." The younger man moved to the sinks, where he turned on the water to rinse his mouth and wash his face.

"No," Chunk conceded, "We don't what it's like to suffer the way you have, but what we do know is that we aren't going to let you go through this on your own. We made the honest-to-God mistake of letting you believe that no one cared about you after the Sorin case, and believe me, we regret letting you think that. We regret never lifting a finger to help you. Even so, Bull and I, and the girls as well, are willing to help you and be there if you need us."

"Chunk's right, Benny," Bull agreed, looking at his shoes before peering up at Benny "We'll be with you every step of the way."

Benny sighed, drying his face before turning to look at them. "Well, I hope and pray that there aren't many more steps left to take for me to recover."

xxxxxxx

"So…" Chunk started quietly, "You talked to Isabella?"

Bull looked up at him from the dim screen of his laptop. "How did both you and Benny figure that out when I haven't told anyone yet?"

Benny was back to sleep on Bull's futon in his office. The door was closed, the lights were off, the blinds were drawn, and both men were working on their laptops. They had pulled up chairs next to Benny and had dimmed their computers' brightness levels, both for their comfort and Benny's.

"It's pretty obvious, man. You looked pretty heated walking out of here, but you had this sick grin of satisfaction when you came back," Chunk snickered.

Bull grinned as a breath of laughter escaped him. "Yeah, I went to see her alright."

"And how'd that go?" Chunk asked, but his tone of voice said that he had a basic idea already.

"Well," Bull started. "It's Isabella."

"Oh, it's Isabella now, huh?" Chunk questioned. "That says something."

"That it does," Bull responded. "I cannot believe I fell head over heels for a woman like her."

Chunk shrugged. "It's like what they say. People only show their true colors when you finally get to know them."

Bull sighed. "Yeah, I suppose, but you should have seen her, Chunk. She honestly believed that she didn't do anything wrong, and she actually thought I would let her see Benny again after that. She said, and I quote, 'You can't keep my brother away from me.' You lost Benny the moment you told him he was a failure."

Chunk shook his head in disbelief, turning his gaze back to his laptop. "Women like Isabella give other women a bad name. Jesus, how can someone be so conceited?"

"I don't know."

Chunk's head snapped back up to meet Bull's eyes, but the man had already turned back to his own work. That statement alone could attest to how Bull was emotionally right now. Chunk had figured for the longest time now that Bull was struggling himself, but he didn't really have any proof as of yet. However, instead of replying with "I don't know," Bull typically would have responded with some psychology vocabulary or mental illness where he would describe a narcissist's mindset. This wasn't him. This wasn't Bull.

"Bull," Chunk sighed.

Bull looked up again from his laptop to face his friend. "Yeah?"

"What's going on? Talk to me."

Bull narrowed his eyes at him, puzzled. "What do you mean?"

"You haven't been yourself lately, man," Chunk responded. "Talk to me. What's going on in that head of yours?"

Bull took a deep breath. He opened his mouth to say something before shutting it and taking a glance at Benny's sleeping form. He didn't want to start talking and have Benny wake up to hear what he was saying. Benny should be worrying about himself right now; he shouldn't have to worry about Bull, too.

Chunk must've understood the silent message because a pop-up immediately appeared on Bull's screen. It was an instant messaging app from the email website they typically used.

 **Chunk P.:** _We'll talk on here so you don't worry about Benny hearing._

Bull looked up at Chunk, who nodded at Bull's laptop, gesturing for him to respond. Bull sighed and began to type his reply.

 **Jason B.:** _It's Benny, Chunk. No matter what we try, it seems like he will never recover._

 **Chunk P.:** _You said it yourself, Bull. Things like this take time. A lot of it._

 **Jason B.:** _I know that. Believe me, no one knows that better than I do, but no matter how much I know about it, it never seems to apply to Benny. Of anyone I know, I never thought it would be Benny and I don't understand why._

 **Chunk P.:** _I don't understand why either. Bull, this has been a long time coming. Benny's a perfectionist. He's always hard on himself. It was only a matter of time before it caught up to him._

 **Jason B.:** _I guess it all makes more sense now when I look back on it, but, still, why'd it have to be him?_

 **Chunk P.:** _What do you mean?_

 **Jason B.:** _Chunk, I've never told anyone this._

 **Chunk P.:** _You can trust me, man._

 **Jason B.:** _The divorce...It was nasty, Chunk. Really bad. Isabella wanted everything I had and she got everything I had, minus TAC. Throughout it all, no matter what happened, Benny stayed by my side, despite his close relationship with his sister. He told me himself that he thought she was being ridiculous, that this was going too far. At that moment, I knew. Isabella could take all she wanted from me: my home, my possessions, she could have taken TAC, but the one thing I didn't want to lose was my friendship with Benny. And I almost did._

 **Chunk P.:** _How so? Because of what's happening now?_

 **Jason B.:** _Yes! Chunk, how could I be so blind and stupid? I was trained for this. I am a psychologist. This is what I went to school for. I am supposed to read people and help them find solutions to their problems. That's my job. That's what I'm supposed to do and that's what I do here at TAC. How is it that I could help all of these strangers, people I don't even know, but when it came to Benny, a friend so close that he is practically my brother, I didn't do a single thing? I knew what he was going through, it was so textbook. I could read out the next events play by play, but at that moment, right when it mattered most, I didn't help him._

 **Chunk P.:** _Bull, what happened with Benny, that's on all of us. We all failed him. We should have been there for him, but when he needed us most, we all turned to you and expected you to fix our problems. We should have helped you out, realized that this wasn't easy for you either. We all knew something was wrong, but instead of fixing it, we hoped someone else would fix it for us. That is a mistake we all have to come to terms with for as long as we live. However, we can be here for Benny now. We can be with him every step of the way. We can be there for his recovery, and we can be there for him after. He needs us, Bull. He needs us now more than ever._

 **Jason B.:** _I can't stand seeing him this way. This is not the Benny I know. This is not the Benny I ever wanted to know._

 **Chunk P.:** _None of us ever wanted to see him this way, but we have to get past that and move on. All we can do is help him and pray that he forgives us for our wrongdoings._

 **Jason B.:** _Thanks, Chunk._

 **Chunk P.:** _No problem. You're not alone in this. I think that's a lesson all of us can learn from this._

xxxxxxx

Benny stirred awake slowly. His head was pounding from the lack of food in his stomach and all the stress in general. All he had been doing lately was sleeping, but even now, after his hour nap, he still felt tired. When was the exhaustion going to go away? He didn't even feel like moving. How much longer was he going to be like this?

This whole depression thing? It sucked. Okay, that was a severe understatement, but, seriously, this exhaustion, the lack of motivation, the constant self-doubt...It was just all too much. Benny honestly couldn't understand how some people could live like this for years. He hoped and prayed he wouldn't suffer from this for years.

Thinking back on it, Benny knew this was a long time coming. There is no way a little beratement and pressure from some lawyers could drive him to this extent. There is no way. It couldn't have just been Isabella either. They had gotten into some pretty bad arguments before. Well, then again, she had never called him a pathetic failure and actually meant it, but that was besides the point. No. This was something much deeper.

Benny had this constant need to be perfect, to be better than what he could be. Even as a child, if any grade he had gotten in class wasn't a hundred, he wasn't satisfied. It could've been a ninety-nine for all he cared. It still wasn't enough. It never was enough for him. He needed to do better. He needed to _be_ better. And no one had caught onto this constant craving for perfection. All that 'failure' took a toll on him. It was like he couldn't ever do anything right. It always wasn't enough, and, eventually, as Benny grew older, he began to think it would _never_ be enough. He would never accomplish something. He would always fail.

And that sucked.

So, yeah, this was a long time coming, and how no one noticed was beyond Benny. But now, as Benny opened his eyes and looked at the two men who had refused to leave his side as he slept, he began to realize that he finally had people to talk to, to confide in. Sure, he had Isabella when they were younger, but she was a perfectionist, too. She had no advice to give if she couldn't take her advice herself. However, Bull and Chunk would understand. They would understand the need to be better, and although the two of them may have their times when they struggled to do better, they understood that failure was okay, something Benny could never comprehend.

Speaking of Chunk and Bull, the two had yet to realize that Benny had finally awoken, and the younger male was completely content with that. He had never realized until now how relaxed and comfortable he was in the presence of his two friends, especially Bull. The two had been through thick and thin together, and the man was like an older brother to him. Benny's number one regret was putting Bull through this. He had long forgiven Bull for not knowing how to approach him before his attempt - he wouldn't have even known how to approach himself if he was in Bull's position - but he didn't know how this would affect his friendship with Bull at all.

Benny was shaken out of his thoughts when Bull finally noticed he was awake.

"Good morning, Sleeping Beauty."

"It's six o'clock at night, Bull, and he only slept for an hour," Chunk corrected, not looking away from his computer screen, seemingly focused on whatever work he was doing.

"Oh, Chunk," Bull sighed sadly, shaking his head. "Must you always ruin my fun?"

Chunk stared up at his boss. "Must you always act like a child?"

Benny turned to Bull. "How'd you piss him off this time?"

"I didn't!" Bull defended. "He's just very unhappy with the case right now."

"What about it?" Benny questioned. "Have you met with the client yet?"

"Nope," Bull replied. "He was a no-show. That is why Chunk is a little less than happy now."

"How are you going to ask for our help and not show up? That's time wasted that could have been better spent helping someone who _really_ needs us," Chunk growled, shaking his head in disgust.

"He has a point," Benny agreed nonchalantly.

Bull shrugged. "Well, what can we do? We just move on to the next case."

"That's it?" Benny asked.

"That's it," Bull replied. "I have more important people to think about right now." He shot Benny a wink.

Benny gave a small smile in return. Bull could tell there was something hiding behind it, but he wasn't going to ask. Not yet, anyway. He didn't want to keep pressuring Benny. Besides, he wanted to see if Benny would actually approach him with a problem or if he is still keen on keeping things locked up inside him.

"For now," Bull continued with a sigh as he shut down his laptop. "Let's call it an early night. Dinner's on me, guys."

"If it's on you, I'm not complaining," Chunk snickered, closing his laptop as well.

Benny got up from the futon and fixed his hair. "I'll try my best. Can't say I'll eat much though."

"We'll make do with what you can keep down," Bull responded, placing his laptop to the side and standing up. "Ready?" The two men nodded. "Great. Let's go then. Eat in or take out?"

"Take out," was the simultaneous answer.

Bull grinned. "Take out, it is."


End file.
